Cuts of the Heart
by chugirl2526
Summary: Vince tries to tell Howard he loves him, with disasterous results. Rated 'T' for suicide attempt.
1. Chapter 1

Cuts of the Heart.

Summery- Vince tries to tell Howard he loves him, with disasterous results. Rated 'T' for suicide attempt.

Disclaimer- I do not own the boosh, Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett do.

Author's Notes- Deadicated for Jamie and stars of andromeda for their excellent angst stories :) This chapter will be told in Vince's P.O.V, sorry if this offends anyone.

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I can't remember when I fell in love with Howard, probably when we first met in school all those years ago. I was the shy first timer who plucked up the courage to ask him where the art class was, and he was the one who offered me some sweets his mother packed him, and then a friendship was formed. Growing up together, feelings started to grow in me for the jazz mavarick as I notised cute little things about him- the way his small, brown eyes whould shine with joy whenever jazz was playing, the way his smile streched whenever someone actually complimented him for him.

And now, I love him more then ever. Like hell was I ever going to tell him, straight as a ruler he is, but I have to try. I'm gonna tell him tonight, but if he rejects me, I dunno..

In my bedroom, I gaze around my room at all my stuff. Posters and magazines featuring famous bands littered my floor and walls, pictures and paintings I made colourfully grinning down at me. My large wardrobe sat over by one wall, with a vainty table next to it, covered in make-up, aftershave and hair-products. I know I only wear this stuff to impress Howard and get him to notise me, and so far it hasn't really worked, but tonight I'll make it more special.

As I explored my wardrobe, I pulled out my tightest, skinny black jeans, the ones that just fastened around my tiny waist but still left little to the imagination. Then my dark blue, silk shirt came out next, the one Howard got me for my last birthday, and finally a pair of black, high heeled boots.

Time for the bathroom, I think.

As I gaze into the mirror in my bathroom, I place on my black mascara, making my lashes more longer and fuller. Then I apply on some rouge on my high cheekbone to bring colour to my pale skin, then pink, cherry lipgloss is placed on my pouting, full lips. Then I placed a generous amount of Root-booster on my raven hair, making it fluffier and higher. Sexy isn't even a truer word for me tonight.

Once I decleared myself god enough, I made my way slowly downstairs, nerves eating away at me. They slowly went as I heard the sounds of slow jazz playing in the front room, I smiled as I saw Howard sitting down on the sofa, a smile on his face, his eyes closed in relaxation "Alright, Howard?" I ask.

I supress a laugh as he jumped from his position "Vince, don't scare me out of my jazz trance, I keep telling you"

"Sorry, mate. Wanna cup of tea?" I ask, nerves started to drift away slowly as he smiled and nodded yes. I went over to the kitchen area and popped two tea bags into two worn mugs, one brown and the other glittery blue (No prizes in guessing whos is whos) and flipped on the kettle, my hands still shaking slightly.

Howard must have notises this cause he came over and rested his hand on my shoulder "You alright, Vince?"

"Yeah, course I am. Just a bit nervous about tonight that's all" I replied, hoping he wouldn't guess the truth yet. He just gave me a small smile and tightened his hand slightly and let go, that simple gesture pulled at my heart, a rush of heat running down my body to an obvious area, but maybe not to him.

"Why? You going out tonight then?" He asks, a strange feeling could be heard in his voice. Could it be...jealousy? Nah, not Howard.

"Nah, I thought that I'd..." I couldn't stand it any longer and launched myself at him, placing my lips on his gently as he jumped and squeaked in fright. I thought I was doing it wrong until I felt a slight touch of his tounge on my lips, so I opened up and allowed him entrance. The kiss was getting interesting until Howard pushed me away.

"Vince...I..." My heart broke as I watched him back away and run towards the stairs, slamming the door behind him. I sank to my knees on the kitchen floor, the silent uncomfortable until I burst out into tears. Because of some stupid feelings, I've lost my friendship with the only person who ever truely knew me, all about me. My past, my secrets and now he's gone, probably never coming back. I've scared him away, it's my fault.

My face became damp and I knew my mascara had probably ran down my cheeks, leaving blacks streaks but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything else anymore, the most important thing in my life have left, maybe he'll never forgive me, never look at me again. I couldn't live with that.

As I stumbled upstairs to my bedroom, I thought of all the good times me and Howard have had since school, and I ruined all those years of friendship just to see if my feelings could be returned. I was wrong and never believed it properly true, and now look what's happened.

I curled onto my bed for awhile, crying into my pillow until I felt empty and hollow, nothing left inside to care about. I then went into the bathroom, washing my face from its mask and looked down at the razor by the sink, the silver glistening deadly, but tempting in the light of the bathroom. I picked it up and went back into my bedroom, curling up onto the covers once more.

I then thought back to the kiss, he did kiss back, he did. But he might have done it to see if he wanted me, but the look of sadness and slight disgust on his face when he pulled away told otherwise. Why did I have to come on to him that strongly, that quickly? I just wanted to know so badly...

I slid my finger along the sharp edge, wincing as it stung as the metal cut inside my skin and flesh. I lifted it up to the light and watched as the blood dripped down the digit, actually enjoying the way it took the pain away. Knowing I had nothing Left to live for, I place it over my wrist and slid it across, watching as the crimson fluid dripped from the wound until I felt darkness taking me in its peace.

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I'm sorry to leave it here, but I wanted to hehe i'm again sorry if this offends anyone, but this is my first attempt at this sort of angst lol please read and review from chugirl2526.


	2. Chapter 2

Cuts of the Heart.

Summery- Vince tries to tell Howard he loves him, with disasterous results. Rated 'T' for suicide attempt.

Disclaimer- I do not own the boosh, Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett do.

Author's Notes- Deadicated for Jamie and stars of andromeda for their excellent angst stories :) This chapter will be told in Howard's P.O.V, sorry if this offends anyone. Also, I forgot to mention this but this is set during series 2 :)

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God, Vince has been up there for ages, what's he doing? If only he could be more like me when it comes to picking clothes, simple yet effective. Mind you, I wouldn't change him for anything, so he's vain and annoying sometimes, but that's Vince and I wouldn't change him for the world. I remember when I first met him, he was so cute when he was confused where to go, so I told him. I then offered him some of the sweets mom packed me, I hated them and he gave me that dizzy smile that made my knees weak.

Yes, I've faniced him for ages, but that guy wouldn't want me. What's there to want? He's been with loads of people, men and women yet never seems to stick with them, I've always wondered why. We're opposites really, I like my jazz and simple brown and grey clothing, while he loves his electro music and colourful clothing. That's probably why we're such great friends, we complete each other.

His smile that brightens even the most darkest room, his huge blue eyes, his great personality, these are the things that made me fell in love with him. The way his waif body grids and moves while he dances at all the clubs on the dancefloor, his raven hair clung to his handsome features with sweat, his cheeks tinged pink.

I put on some jazz music, slow and gentle while waiting for him to come down and sit down on the sofa, the tune and notes washing over me and relaxing me while thoughts of Vince ran through my mind. Then I hear a voice next to me and I jump high, my heart slowing down when I saw Vince sitting next to me, dressed up to the nines in his tight clothing with his best make-up on. It makes my heart stop and my breath hold just seeing him like that "Vince, don't scare me out of my jazz trance, I keep telling you"

"Sorry, mate. Wanna cup of tea?" He asked, a strange look in his eyes. I nod yes and watch him get up to the kitchen area, placing two tea bags into our mugs, seeing his hands shaking slightly as he does so. What's he nervous about? I get up and follow him, placing my hand on his shoulder and notised his back straightened quickly "You alright, Vince?"

"Yeah, course I am. I'm just nervous about tonight, that's all" So he is nervous about something, I give him a small smile and remove my hand, watching as his body slouched again, a nice little blush covering his face. Is he meeting someone tonight? At that thought, a surge of jealousy ran through my body and mind "Why? You going out tonight?" I manage to ask without belaying my feelings.

"Nah, I thought that I'd..." He said, before launcing himself at me, his soft lips on my own. I jumped and utter a slight squeak at the surprise, before I tried touching his lips with my tounge. He opened his mouth without protest and I slipped my tounge in, enjoying this moment until my mind betrayed me, telling me this could all just be a joke, another one of Vince's one night stands, so I pushed him away.

"Vince...I..." I couldn't stand the dejected, devestated look on his face as I walked slowly away, so I turned tail and ran out the flat, slamming the door behind me. I ran towards the park behind the flat, lit up by the light of the full moon and the bright stars up in the dark navy sky. I soon grew out of breath and settled on a bench, trying to get the stitch out my side as I collected my thoughts.

Vince kissed me, he kissed me? Why? Does he love me too? God, I'm confused. He can't love me, can he? I mean, what's there to love? Awhile later as these questions spun in my mind, I hear talking and look up from my eyeline of the floor, watching a couple walk past, arm in arm enjoying each others company as they exchanged kisses.

Could me and Vince have that? Or will I just be a one night stand? But the look in Vince's face as he pushed him away, his blue eyes threatening to flow over with tears of dejection will always haunt me, and the kiss was more full of love then lust. Maybe I've got it wrong, maybe he does love me after all, I should get back and talk to him about it, see what will really happen between us.

I get up and walk back to the flat, until a slight niggling in the back of my mind was telling me something was wrong, something to do with Vince. I hurried more quickly along, getting home an ambulance rush around the corner. Must have just drove past, I kept telling myself, nothing's happened to him really.

I enter the flat and rush upstairs, frozen at the sight of Naboo comforting Bollo on the sofa. The gorilla look so upset, my heart froze, something as happened to Vince "W-What happened?" I stuttered, nervous.

Naboo and Bollo looked up, anger placing their sadness "What did you say to him?" The shaman yelled, making me feel more small.

"Where is he? What's happened to Vince?" I asked again, my gut tightening with worry and panic.

"We coem home, tried callin for you guys. You was gone, so Bollo went upstairs to find Vince. Instead found Vince in pool of blood, his wrist slashed. Naboo phone ambulance while Bollo try and stop rest of blood flow" The familiar told, his voice wavering with fresh tears "Precious Vince might be dying, and it your fault!"

At those words, I faultered in my steps. Vince cut himself, and it's my fault for pushing him away, before giving him a chance to explain his feelings. I felt sick, bile rising to the back of my throat as tears came fresh in my eyes. He could be dying and I'm not there for him. I went to rsuh back down the stairs, until I heard a annoyed sigh behind me.

Naboo got up from the sofa and tole Bollo to get the carpet "We'd better get going then, if you want to see Vince and make up to him" I couldn't agree more as Bollo bought down the carpet from Naboo's room and we all got on, flying through the window towards the hospital.

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There we go, one more chapter left. Hope I got Howard right hehe from chugirl2526.


	3. Chapter 3

Cuts of the Heart.

Summery- Vince tries to tell Howard he loves him, with disasterous results. Rated 'T' for suicide attempt.

Disclaimer- I do not own the boosh, Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett do.

Author's Notes- Deadicated for Jamie and stars of andromeda for their excellent angst stories :) Thanks to everyone who's reviewed

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After five minutes, the carpet finally stopped in front of the hospital. As Naboo and Bollo did the task of putting the carpet away, Howard rushed inside to the reception, where a young, blond woman was sitting behind the desk, writing some notes down. She looked up as I got to her and smiled "Hi, I'm Jennifer. How can I help you?"

"Please, I'm looking for Vince Noir, he was bought in a few minutes ago. I need to know how he is" He answered, panic starting to set in my heart once more. She looked down and typed something into a computer next to her, then looked back up with another smile "He's just come out of surgery. If you take a seat, a doctor will come along and tell you more"

Howard sat down dazed on one of those hard, plastic seats and placed his head in his hands, waiting until some sort of news came along. Naboo and Bollo sat next to him, but he didn't really notise them, his mind still wrapped up in worry for Vince. Every time a doctor or nurse came past, Howard's heart would race with hope, but they'd just walk past him without a word.

Ten minutes later, an elderly doctor walked over to them "Are you here for Mr Noir?" The three friends nodded and stood up "He's been very lucky, another inch to the right and he would have cut his main artery. There would have been no chance of him surviving after such a time alone like that"

Howard gulped down the guilt that settled in his throat "Is-is he going to be alright now?"

"Well, he's lost a lot of blood, so we'd like to keep him in overnight. But we're positive he'll make a full recovery" The doctor smiled, making the other sigh in relief "If you'd like to come with me, I'll show you where he is"

They followed him upto a small room, where inside Vince lay on a bed, covers pulled over him and his pale complaxion making then look more colourful. His raven hair was flat and lifeless on his hair, but wet "We had to wash the dried blood out, you see" The doctor explained. The jazz mavarick then saw the heavy bandage covered over Vince's wrist and gasped out loud in shock, backing out of the room and back down to reception.

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Howard sat on the plastic chairs once more, trying not to let the tears fall from his eyes as he held his head in his hands. His breath came out shakey as he tried to remove of Vince jusy lying there motionless from his mind, his shoulders shaking with nerves. Jennifer notised this and came over to him "Hey, are you alright?"

Howard's head shot up and looked her in the eyes "Yes, I'm just worried Vince won't talk to me again. It's my fault he's here"

Jennifer placed a comforting hand on his shoulder "Why? What happened?"

"I've had feelings for him for ages, then he kissed me and I just paniced. I pushed him away and he thought I rejected him, but I forgot how sensetive he can be, so he cut himself. He was nearly dying when Naboo and Bollo found him, he cut himself badly, he..." He broke off with sobs, tears falling down his face as Jennifer comforted him more.

"Listen, I know your think it's your fault, but it's not really. All you should do is talk to him about what's happened and he'll understand" She said, as she rubbed her hand up and down Howard's arm, letting him ride his sobs out.

When he'd finished, the jazz mavarick pulled away and gave a wet smile to the receptionist "Thanks, you're right. I just need to speak to him" She smiled back to him and went back over to her desk, giving him once last grin before he got up and walked back to Vince's room. Outside the door was Naboo and Bollo, looking concerned.

"Vince wants you, looks like he'll cry any minute unless you're in there" The shaman explained, Bollo grunting in agreement. The guilt got stuck in Howard's throat as he entered the room, nearly crying again as he saw Vince's handsome face covered with tear tracks, his shoulders shaking with his own sobs.

"Vince? Vince, I'm here. Please stop crying" He said, sitting down next to the upset electro poof and held his hand tightly. Vince opened his blue eyes and stared deep into Howard's brown eyes, then flew at him, latching his arms around Howard's waist "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I scared you off"

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away like that...I..." They held each other close, crying on each other's shoulders, hiccuping occasionally.

"I'm sorry about what happened...in the bedroom...I just didn't want to live without our friendship at least..."Vince sobbed, trying to get his breath back as Howard rubbed his hand down his back.

"Just don't let it happen again, I couldn't live with myself if you died. I love you too much..." He stopped as he admitted his feelings. Vince broke the hug to search his friend's face and eyes, finding only truth in them. He gave a wet, dizzy grin before placing his lips gently onto Howard's , enjoying the fact that the jazz mavarick didn't pull away this time. Instead, he placed his hand through Vince's hair and held his head there, deeping the kiss and making them moan deeply in each other's mouths.

When they pulled away, Vince had the shyest look on his face, a slight blush covering his cheeks "I love you too, you jazz spanner. I just never thought you did"

Howard smiled back at him, "I do, very much so sir. Now, get some more sleep, I'll be right here for you" Vince yawned, before closing his eyes and his breath started to even out properly. When he was deeply asleep, Howard placed his head on his arm and also drifted off. Naboo and Bollo watched from the door, smiling at each other as they left the boys to each other.

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Finally found an ending for it hehe I'm sorry it took so long to update. thank to everyone who's reviewed from chugirl2526


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